


Making me Whole Again

by charlaine2124



Series: Whole Again [1]
Category: Merlin (TV), Merlin (TV) RPF
Genre: M/M, Merthur - Freeform, Reincarnation, Whole Again 'verse, brolin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-27
Updated: 2012-11-27
Packaged: 2017-11-19 15:45:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/574935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlaine2124/pseuds/charlaine2124
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur and Merlin are killed in the final battle, and it's only years later when Bradley and Colin meet again that it all comes rushing back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Making me Whole Again

**Author's Note:**

> It is a REINCARNATION fic, so don't be put off by the Major Character Death
> 
> Unbeta'd, so all mistakes are my own. Feel free to point them out.
> 
> The original can be found on my tumblr at http://multishipperpirateking.tumblr.com/post/36625874323/  
> Feel free to leave your appreciation on my tumblr page if you want to.
> 
> Originally inspired by tumblr user Brolinskeep and the deadly haeadcannon you see here: http://brolinskeep.tumblr.com/post/36619355971/

There had never been any doubt that Merlin was going to give his life for Arthur. Not really. Not when he had seen so much of him. At his strongest, ruling all those years with the Knights of the Round table and righting all those wrongs. And then finally now, when that final wrong which he did not right came back to haunt him. Because nobody knew him like Merlin. As much as his knights wanted to think so. Merlin knew there was hope for himself and his kind. Mordred didn't see it though. Even after all this time serving by Arthur's side he still didn't see it. The promise and the hope that it would be better soon. And so it was that Merlin found himself running forward, hand outstretched and words of magic on his tongue and his eyes growing gold.  But he forgot about Mordred's magic. The sword was warded and he saw it plunge into Arthur's side.

Not before Arthur saw his eyes go golden did he fall.

And so it was that his last view of Merlin was of an enemy sorcerer. He could see it in Arthur's face, even as the agony of the wound overcame him.

It didn't take much then for Merlin to finish the battle. He didn't know how long it took for it all to be over or even what he did, but he knew that nothing would touch Arthur's prone form while he still breathed.

But Arthur wasn't breathing.

All the pain, all the anguish that he felt, poured out in an angry cry. He felt more than ever that connection with the earth, every leaf and plant and creature. Even as he was surrounded by the death and destruction of the battlefield, he also felt the life that stirred just beneath the surface. Delirious with his own emotional pain and subconsciously reaching out towards Arthur he _pulled_ and felt the earth beneath him shift in sympathy. As the world grew dark, he could only hear his own pain, his heartbeat thrumming in his head and the pull of the whole earth in a single wish.

_Live._

 

* * *

 

It was so many lifetimes later that he allowed himself to wake.

And this time it was in the body of a new-born child, and he screamed because it was desired of him and he felt the earth still spinning around him and far away on a thread that he barely knew he still tied himself to a simple heartbeat.

 

* * *

 

He was six when he felt the thread tighten painfully. He felt stretched, and while his mind was elsewhere he found himself too detached from the world he knew from before to fully follow it. When the school play started, he found that years of pretending had made him perfect for this. It was magic how he could slot himself into place seamlessly. After all, it wasn't nearly as hard as being reborn.

 

* * *

 

The first time the bond flared, he was already jumpy. He guessed he would be the first time he finished an audition BBC studios. But instead it was because he could see _him_.

Nothing had changed. Not the way his hair fell across his face, not the goofy grin he wore while trying to hide how nervous he was.

It wasn't creepy to hang around outside the studios for a guy you've known your whole life, right? When he felt the flare again, he approached cautiously and waved at the man striding out of the gates.

"Hi." his heart was beating so quickly he thought it would burst out of his chest.

"Do I know you?" His hair carried on a little when he stopped walking and he couldn't help but think _'he still can't brush it'_.

"I bloody hope so you prat." His heart almost stopped for a brief moment.

Then Arthur's eyes widened and he pulled Merlin toward him.

"You idiot." The words were wet in Merlin's hair. And he found that he too was crying.

"I thought I'd never see you again-

"I can't believe you left me alone like that-

"You're all I've thought about-

"Why did you not let me look for you-

Their words folded on top of each other. Merlin knew that Arthur had no memory of their lives before until now. Maybe an uneasy dream had felt so real that he had awoken with the roar of battle still loud in his ears and his blood still pumping hotly through his body. Maybe he had dreamt of Gwen and her betrayal and woken the next morning with a feeling of sadness that he couldn't place. And maybe, just maybe, he had dreamt of Merlin and felt the same gaping hole in his being that Merlin had lived with every day since he was born.

He hoped that Arthur hadn't had that last part.

But maybe he did.

They realised at almost the same moment that they had been hugging for a good minute and that people were going to stare, so they took a big sniff and parted, smiling at each other like schoolgirls with  a crush.

"So… hi. I'm Colin Morgan." Merlin stuck his hand out toward the blonde man in front of him.

"I'm Bradley James." Arthur… Bradley took his hand and shook it firmly. "Fancy going out for a coffee?"

"That sounds great."

"Here, I'll show you a great place I discovered while I was here for my last audition."

"Oh, you've been here before?"

"Yeah, I've just finished filming for Dis/Connected. I've just had my audition for…"

"Merlin." Bradley and Colin finished together.

"Wait, you were here for the Arthur call too?"

"No, they were doing the Merlin ones this morning. I saw you going in and… waited…"

"Normally I'd say that's creepy, but I don't blame you."

They walked together in silence for a while longer. There was so much that needed to be said between them, but there was no way that either of them could express it.

 

* * *

 

Coffee (well, a smoothie for Colin) passed quickly in a haze of small talk. Where they went to school, their previous roles and experience, what they were up to now. Coffee became a pair of Panini for dinner and a shared cupcake. The sky outside darkened and the evening rush of commuters slowed to a slow trickle of late-night shoppers and people running for the last bus.

"Fancy moving this discussion to my place? I don't think now is a good time for you to get back on a train all the way back to Town. I'll set up the sofa for you. It'll be just like old times."

Colin was sure he didn't hear the last sentence, but a part of him yearned for it. The familiarity of the brief life that they spent together that now felt so much more real than all the years he had spent in this life.

"That sounds great."

 

* * *

 

The apartment was small. But not cheap. No, Merlin couldn't imagine Arthur living in anything other than luxury. He still loved thick blankets and red. He still loved long smooth surfaces and wide tables where he could spread out his mess, while the floor was spotlessly clean and his shelves ordered ruthlessly. Everything was high quality but in an understated way that spoke of wealth that didn't need to display itself. Of course, he knew that Bradley wasn't all that wealthy, but he clearly bought his things with care and kept them a long time. Only the odd Ikea lamp betrayed the fact that he too had a budget.

They ended up on the balcony together, watching the city lights dim as the block opposite went dark one window at a time. All those people living moments from each other, never meeting. Hearing the shouts of arguments and the rhythmic thumps of making love and yet never knowing each others names. Merlin couldn’t help but imagine all the ways in which they could have never met.

He was about to voice this thought when Bradley spoke.

"Why now? Why so much later?"

"Because this time you can be safe. _We_ can be safe."

Bradley… no… _Arthur_ was looking at him.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I was scared." The answer tumbled out of Merlin before he was really ready. He didn't mean to just come out with it like that, and the look on Arthur's face at that moment told him exactly why.

"But then you left me. I was alone for so long. Apparently I was incredibly grumpy until I was about three, when suddenly I had an imaginary friend who was a magician. I needed you. I… I remembered you sometimes." Bradley blushed.

"I never wanted to leave you. All I knew was that you had to live. Even without me, that was better than a world without you. I…" _I was selfish and created a world where I would never be without you._

Bradley pulled his hand out from around the mug of tea in his lap and on top of Colin's.

"I bet that we get Arthur and Merlin. I bet that we make this season together and have a brilliant time. And maybe while we do it, we can work out exactly what happened."

 

* * *

 

It wasn't until season three that Bradley found it difficult to work with Colin. He could barely look at him on set for a week or two, even when they were on scene together it was off.

When he finally came to Colin he looked like he was going to burst into tears.

"How… how could you never have told me about all of this. How did you survive it. I don't think I can look at Merlin and know that I did that to you."

"All you need to know is that I am happy to do anything for you. I was then and I am now. Remember that."

 

* * *

 

In the final days of season 5, Bradley pulled Colin with him into the taxi he was taking home.

"I don't want it to be over. I don't want to live through that again."

"It's ok. This time the director will call cut and we'll hug and cry and then we will carry on. I won't leave you alone this time."

 

* * *

 

It wasn't until the last episode aired and they watched their fall that Bradley kissed Colin.

And suddenly it wasn't so hard to know it was the end of the series any more. Because this was the beginning of the story that they should have had.


End file.
